hit a mile stone....hit a wall!

Yey i have got to the 1 sone mark, what a great feeling that was. Stepping onto the scales i was elated and felt like i was making real progress....actually on the road to skinny. This was followed a few days later with the feeling that i am a complete failure and a fraud! how can a person fail to lose anything in 5 days when working a lot of 12 hour shifts and surviving on just 500 calories a day, i just doesn't make sense!!!!
I'm still liking the clean, empty feeling of hardly eating, but my word the lack of any energy is proving so hard to cope with. And although the dizzy, light headed, i'm gonna pass out sensation is welcomed when at home (would often like to check out for a bit, to just not be, even if for only for a few minutes), it simply can not happen when at work, not in front of the other staff and more importantly the residents.

The next week is going to be a mission, have the week off from work. The break is very much apprieciated as i have been working a lot over the last few weeks/months and need the rest more than ever, but in this week i have about 20 sugar roses to make by hand, all to decorate the 3 tier wedding cake that im making on tuesday. going to need all the will power i can possibly get to not eat just one ounce of icing, butter cream or cake trimmings.
Need to keep strong, plough through and hope i can avoid temptation and break down this wall that has erected itself in front of me and my scales.

Please wish me luck! xabbix

DOING OK

Ok so a week since my first post and im still on the right rack, have lost 10lb in total so far and really hoping i can reach the 1stone mark my next week. have been eating between 500-1000cals a day and not found it as hard as i expected, imagined i would be really struggling by now and wanting to eat everything in sight. has been about 3 weeks since my diet started and i'm pleased to say that i am again starting to like the feeling of being hungry, and when the shakes start i know i'm doing well, everytime i feel light headed i see it as a sign that i've successfully undereaten and my body will be using my vast amount of fat to sustain its self, what can be better than that feeling right now.
I have just brought myself a bike, one of my friends old ones so hoping to start getting out and about more whilst getting plenty of exercise to burn off those dreadful calories and having the sun on my face whilst summer is still here, one of the best ways to keep friends and family from suspecting you may be starving yourself is to get some colour on your face, pale skin will give you away no matter how cunning you are at hiding your food or purging in secret.
keep well and stay thin xabbix

FRESH START!

Welcome to my new blog, let me introduce myself. My name is Abbi, i am 28 and a health care assistant in a residential home.
I have been overweight most of my life, at my heaviest i was 182 lbs, some thing that i am very ashamed to admit. I have also spent most of my life dieting and someone what unsuccesfully. having said this 2 years ago i decided emough was enough and embarked on a major diet taking myself from a size 14(uk) to a size 6, the thinest i have ever been, yes i wasn't eating very much, sometimes i went days living on just coffee but i did it and although i still felt fat i loved being able to by smaller clothes and being told i was looking very thin!
How ever things have gone wrong, i started to binge and purge a lot and pretty soon i was binging without the purge.
Now back at a size 14 i have never felt so disqusted with myself and have vowed to lose the weight no matter what it takes. two weeks of sticking to no more than 1000 calories i have managed to drop 7lb, it's not much yet but it's a start.
I hope you will continue to follow my progress to that elusive size 0 we all read about in magazines and hopefully offer some surport and tips, i'm sure that together we can all reach our goals and more
xabbix