thinspo pics-can't get enough!!!

Natural Beauty

Just thought i would share a poem i wrote a few years back, not my best work by far but still, i tried



How did you get broken
Beautiful china doll
Your porcelain skin
Now so full of sin
And secrets that nobody knows

How did you get spoiled
Beautiful china doll
Your once silky locks
Now tied up in knots
That hide unspeakable things from the world

How did you get so scared
Beautiful china doll
Your fresh little face
Once showed so much grace
Now with wounds that will bleed with a touch

How did you get so sad
Beautiful china doll
Your eyes full of tears
Can't banish your fears
Or the pain that won't remain hidden

*yey*

Although i have had a bad week food wise, i have still managed to lose 4lb this week. This means i have now reached my second target weight yey, now a little happier with myself.

On the down side i'm feeling a little poorly with a horrible cold (I love autumn but dislike the viruses that fly round and working in a care home i can be sure to come down with something), and i'm hating work at the moment and am really trying to remember what it was i used to love about it. I do love the residents i look after (well....the majority) but they are driving me nuts recently and it's not even a full moon yet.

Think i just need some excitment in my life, I don't seem to have anything to look forward to anymore and diet aside, I don't have anything to challenge me and my mind, I am in serious need of some mental stimulation!

I'm scared of failing

My day off today has done me good i think, at weigh in this morning i was 2 pound lighter which is ace and very unexpected (and that was before last nights laxative had taken efect) and sorry to be a little gross but have have spent a lot of today racing to and from the toilet so really hping i'm back to where i was before the binging at the weekend. Will find out after weighing in the morning.
Managed to stay at 550cals today, actually feeing quite proud of that even though it could have been better. But it's the next 2 day i'm really worried about. Back at work in the morning to face more food I really don't want to eat, but will power is so bad when doing 12 hour shifts that i'm terrified it will spark a bing again. The manager is there till 5pm on week days so no chance of disappearing to purge if my resistnce fails me.
I need her back, that voice inside my head, my internal monolog that guides and helps me when ever calories are calling to me. I've asked her nicely to come home, i've pleaded and begged. I've cried and screamed and thrown internal tantrums but she is missing and I don't know what I did to drive her away!

xabbix

oh my god i'm fat!!

It's that time of the month i dread. I'm fat, bloated and just want to eat everything in sight, and nearly have. On saturday I binged at work in full view of every one and felt so revolting because of it. Managed to slip off and purge not once, not twice but three times. Each time I felt empty and clean afterwards, then proceeded to eat more. Everytime returning to the kitchen and grabbing yet another handfull of biscuits, bowls full mince that was being served for lunch, cake made for the afternoon teas, it just never stopped.

The same thing happened on sunday but without the purging as i was unable to disappear without being missed, then once home from work I went out and picked up a take away and agin no purge as didn't have the energy. How could I possibly have ther energy for the walk into town to get food but not to put my fingers down my throat to undo the damage!!

Yesterday was a better day, 3 hour walk, 500 calories carb free. Made me feel a little better about myself but it just wasn't enough. 3lb heavier this morning and just didn't keep it up today, must have consumed at least 1500 cals, im so bad at this, just can't get back on track. hoping the laxatives i've just taken will help get rid some of it, got to start thinking thin again, must get myself thin again!!!!

So sorry about this rant, so sorry about being me full stop.