To celebrate I brought myself some flowers, a mixture of yellow and burgendy roses (seens as no one every buys flowers for me this is really quite a treat-although I really wanted a huge slab of chocolate!)
I did a 12 hour shift yesterday after my 5 days off. We had a staff meeting, a complete waste of time in my opinion. They are pretty much a chance for day staff to slag off night staff and for nights to slag off days, how productive!!
Anyway I am out the back having a fag after meeting and a member of staff pulls me to one side for a quick chat. Aparently she is getting really worried because of the weight i've lost quite quickly (iv been dieting for nearly 4 months and they only just notice! I obviously am not doing well enough then am I!) She's been looking at posts on my facebook and noticed I was complaining of being in pain one night and not being able to sleep, so now i'm pretty sure she thinks i'm ill with some sort of disease but hiding it from everyone (this was all followed by a hug during which i'm sure she was feeling my shoulder blades which are stating to stick out quite a bit). The only thing i'm hiding is just how strict my diet is, this does not make me ill in any shape or form.
When I went back in everyone then started to say how much weight I had lost and "just don't lose any more". 'A' even said all I need to do now is stay healthy and tone up!!!! I mean for fuck sake.... He may as well have just said "yeah you've lost weight but still have quite a few flabby bits!"
Is it wrong to really want to try harder now to lose the weight because I have been told not to? I hate that they must have been talking about me whilst I was outside, but a big part of me now just wants to put two boney ffingers up to them and prove that no one tells me what to do or how little I can be . . . .God that sounds childish!
stay strong and think thin
together we will win
xabbix
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