weight is getting better....work is getting worse!

I stepped on the scales this morning for the first time in 3 days and i've lost 3lb, that is a better start to the day than i've had for a while. I didn't eat yesterday and not sure if I really want to eat today! I don't plan fasts anymore as they always seem to lead to a bing and purge session and i've doing that too much already without fasting, but yesterday I just couldn't face the thought of putting food, any food into my body.

I got to work yesterday morning to be told that one of the residents had complained to her daughter who then put in a complaint about me to the manager. I was in shock when I first heard as I haven't donething wrong, then one of the staff gave me a hug and I just broke down. I know this resident doesn't like me for some reason so for the last 3 months I have chosen to only help her with another carer, she just kept saying she would tell her daughter I was being nasty to her and wanted a little back up from someone else. Well on thursday when I wasn't there she told her daughter that when I put her to bed in the week her bed was wet from the night before, Apparently I told her I wouldn't change it and she just had to lie in it all night. I would never in a million years do that to anyone, the beds are changed every morning so it wouldn't have been wet and I only ever put her to bed with someone else with me but she still said it was just me. I told the manager I would no longer being helping her with anything and she agreed it was for the best, but the residents daughter still thinks I was that cruel, I hate when anyone thinks badly of me especially when I did nothing wrong!!!

I keep crying at everything at the moment, yesterday was the third time I have broken down at work. Think today I am going to try and see my doctor. I was on anti-depressants from the the age of 17-26, have gone 2 years trying to cope without them but now may the time I bit the bullet and gave in to their cemical help. sometimes it doesn't hurt to admitt when your struggling and if it makes me feel even just a little bit more human it will be worth it.

sorry for the boring posts lately, will try better next time I promise

xabbix