Not been a great day but could have been worse. Haven't weighed today as stayed with 'A' last night, DVD night at his and although I was offered I didn't eat the crisps/pasty/pork pie that he offered me. He did appologize for not having fruit or salad in the house. will weigh in the morning, crossing fingers that I have lost a little, even if it's just half a pound!
So I was at work today and the chef made this white fish flakes in a cheese sause thing and mushrooms and I couldn't resist trying it. Did look a little like vomit on a plate but my word that was some good shit. I only had a couple small spoons but whilst trying to savour it my boss walked into the kitchen, stopped in her tracks and stared at me as I was about to shove the spoon into my gaping mouth. The first thing she said was "what are you doing? you're eating! you DON'T eat!" I know that it was kinda good that she saw me, kinda proved that I do in fact eat (lets face it, if I didn't I would be super skinny instead of fantasticly fat!) but all I heard in my head as the words left her mouth was "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE EATING? YOU SHOULDN'T EAT! YOUR TOO FAT TO EAT!"
Lesson to me: don't let people see me eat anything but super healthy food to limit the guilt inside of me!
Anyway I got home from work to start a bit of a binge, guess I figured I had already let myself down with the fish and pure fat cheese sauce so why stop now? I had some chocolate (I could have probably got away with that), I then proceeded to make a tray of brownies....yes MAKE a tray of brownies, and then eat the lot! Followed quickly by a swift purge session of course and an hour on my exercise bike burning just 550 calories. I did have my ancle weights on though so hoping the real number is a bit higher. Back to the fast tomorrow, I really need to stick to it this time, wish me luck please I think I may need it!!!!!!!
keep strong and think thin ladies
xabbix
Ahh I hate when I get that mindset. I already screwed up once so I might as well throw the whole day away. It sucks that you had to purge, but at least you were able to get it out and work it off. I hope the rest of your day goes well. Good job on resisting the crisps! I can never do that
ReplyDeleteI saw someone say recently that if they fed themselves in the morning then they knew the whole day would be a write off. And this is exactly how it goes innit? Although you did turn down things which is good I think. I reckon that every food offer rejected is a victory in it's own way. :)
ReplyDeleteAt least it was fish...And to answer your question, "Why stop now?" Well because if you eat more then you now have more to burn off, but if you stop then you wont feel as guilty later cus you will think, "well at leasttt i didnt keep eating" ya know?
ReplyDelete