oh my god i'm fat!!

It's that time of the month i dread. I'm fat, bloated and just want to eat everything in sight, and nearly have. On saturday I binged at work in full view of every one and felt so revolting because of it. Managed to slip off and purge not once, not twice but three times. Each time I felt empty and clean afterwards, then proceeded to eat more. Everytime returning to the kitchen and grabbing yet another handfull of biscuits, bowls full mince that was being served for lunch, cake made for the afternoon teas, it just never stopped.

The same thing happened on sunday but without the purging as i was unable to disappear without being missed, then once home from work I went out and picked up a take away and agin no purge as didn't have the energy. How could I possibly have ther energy for the walk into town to get food but not to put my fingers down my throat to undo the damage!!

Yesterday was a better day, 3 hour walk, 500 calories carb free. Made me feel a little better about myself but it just wasn't enough. 3lb heavier this morning and just didn't keep it up today, must have consumed at least 1500 cals, im so bad at this, just can't get back on track. hoping the laxatives i've just taken will help get rid some of it, got to start thinking thin again, must get myself thin again!!!!

So sorry about this rant, so sorry about being me full stop.